This is an essay that I wrote for an honors seminar this semester.  Not sure if this is exactly what they wanted, but it really made me feel better to write.

What I Learned Intellectually This Semester

When asked to write a paper on what I have learned intellectually this semester, the topic had me baffled.  I thought about it for days, trying to think of what I could write to appease the teachers of this class and what I could say that would make you think that I was somewhat more intelligent than I could ever possibly be.  I thought I could write some BS about how college has motivated me to become a more independent thinker and that in taking this honors seminar, I am now more motivated to learn for myself.  I then thought about what the instructions for the essay were: to write something for me that I could read and treasure.  I don’t know what I will treasure, but I am going to write something for myself, which is truthful, even if it’s not well written or full of things that I think teachers will want to hear. 

            I learned that college BS is exactly the same as high school BS.  Some teachers still care somewhat about how their students are doing and how they are feeling, but the majority still wants to just do their jobs and go home and have a beer (as my calculus teacher routinely indicates).  This is not something I hold against the teachers, as most of the teachers I have right now are the lower ones who get stuck teaching the introductory courses, maybe some of them like what they’re teaching, maybe some of them don’t.  But it is what they’re doing with their lives, these are the people that are going to mold me into an engineer and these are supposed to be the people that are my role models.  Maybe when I get to the higher level classes, teachers will have more of a passion for what they do, but the introductory courses are what students see and experience as they come in the school, and one must wonder if it such a wise idea to give first year students all of the lower level teachers who do not have a passion for what they do, because they fail to motivate many of the students. 

            I learned that college is just as hypocritical as everything was in high school.  The authority tells students not to drink, yet serves alcohol at functions for alumni.  They tell us they want us to succeed, yet fail 40% of the students in the Introduction to Engineering course.  There are advertisements in every bag I obtain from the bookstore, MTV pays the school money to advertise on the drill field, a simple Virginia Tech sweatshirt costs $80, super expensive dining plans with a small variety of foods are forced on the students who are required to live on campus in decaying residence halls that are overpriced, students pay thousands of dollars to come here, but everyone wants to make more and more money off of the students.  It is apparently a good lesson in life and capitalism, but it is insulting that it is all under the guise that they want nothing but good for us and to help us learn. 

If I have learned to become a more independent thinker, it is not because of anything I have learned in any of my classes this semester, most of which are repetitive and a waste of my time, which I despise going to, yet still never skip because of some ridiculous moral ingrained into my head from high school and youth that skipping classes is wrong, but because of the life situations I have experienced outside of classes.  Thinking independently is not something that one can teach in a class, or really taught at all.  Conformity here is something condoned, not disdained.  Everyone goes to football games and loves the hokie bird and joins fraternities or sororities and wears jeans or khakis and a thousand other things that are considered what one should be doing.  Engineers are required to write in a certain format, if their letters are not perfectly neat, or if they do not use the correct kind of paper, points get taken off.  The cadets, a large percentage of the school, wear uniforms every day and are disciplined if their shoes have a smudge.   The school does not promote individuality or how to be an independent thinker in the least.

            I learned that if one does nothing but studying without leaving any time for personal growth, that person is not going to lead a very fulfilling life.  If my grades would possibly suffer because I am trying to grow more as a person instead of memorizing tables of facts that I will forget in a couple of weeks, I have to ask the question, “is it worth it?  Is a higher grade worth hurting other people or not having an experience that would teach me something?”  I met someone like that this semester, who puts everything on hold just to assure that he does not receive a B in any of his major classes.   Nothing is more important to him than school is.  I have learned that I do not want to become like this person, even if it means that I do not obtain straight As, or the grades I would get if I dedicated my life to nothing but studying.  There ARE more important things in life, and hopefully people like that will learn that someday.   

            The so-called “honors” students who are taking this seminar were judged solely on our high school work to be invited into this class, but I am still unclear on what it is trying to teach us, or why the “honor” of taking this class should only be given to a select few.  I chose Virginia Tech out of the five schools that I applied to and was accepted to because it seemed to me that they wanted me more than any other school.  I received numerous scholarships, and the letters they sent me made it seem that I would be treated as an individual and not part of the masses that they treat people like at other schools.  However, all anyone sees me as here is a number, my social security number is what I use for everything, the honors program will only look at the number of my QCA before they boot me out for getting too many Bs, regardless of how much I’m learning and trying.  Dr. Dudley said in class one day that grades don’t matter, just how much you learn, which is the reason they do not feel that grading is important in this class, but it is obviously important, even if he says otherwise, if that is what the whole criteria for the honors program is.

            I have learned intellectual facts this semester, like what an eigenvalue is and how to figure out the line current in a circuit, but those are not things that are going to matter to me in forty years.  I have done nothing this semester but crank out more of the same BS that I cranked out in high school, learned answers for tests and wrote in essays what I thought the teacher wanted to hear.  Maybe college isn’t for everyone, maybe college isn’t for me, but all I learned this semester was how to become more bitter and confused towards everything.  Be that not intellectual, or be that what it may, this was an essay for me, or so you said before, and this is how I feel at the end of my very first semester in college.  My boss at a coffee bar I worked at over the summer once said about being a manager there, “This job is a means to live my life, it is not my life.”  He wasn’t concerned about moving up in where he was positioned, he was concerned about living life to its fullest.  Maybe college will do that for some people, maybe I will feel differently by the end of next semester, but as I see it now, doing nothing but caring about schoolwork and books and staying in a school like this isn’t living my all too short life to its fullest. 

Quote of the Month!
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
You gotta roll with the punches to get to what is real. 
Knock down the bastards and show them how it feels. 

Cause you know, 
It's not easy, 
when you feel they, 
go out of their way, 
to get you. 
It's not easy, 
When you feel they, 
Go out of their way to get to you. 

And all your dreams are coming true. 
And now you wish they stayed inside you.

~Sloan 

Link of the Month!
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

http://www.goats.com another amusing online comic strip