Poll: What do you think of BDSM?
I voted for Ambivilent but I'm not. I just think it isn't for me which isn't a choice.
I sort of wish I was, there is a woman I know that is great in every aspect except that she's a dominatrix.
there are some things I probably just don't want to know about people. (unless I'm planning to date them, of course, in which case it could be important)
It is pretty interesting that there have been 40 votes but only 2 comments on this poll. I'm not sure that's ever happened before. Are people uncofortable talking about this?
I was about to say the same thing.
Masochist: Beat Me! Beat Me!
... you're listening to WTMI radio, all Too Much Information all the time....
Andrea Krause · 15 years, 9 months ago
Also, it's probably hard to make it truly individual feedback. Because if someone's all "rah rah love the BDSM" and we all know their partner...it's kinda exposing more than just themselves to "ew", "weird", "omg" thoughts from a group. You're kinda volunteering your partners to get scoffed at. :) Not that we necessarily would scoff, but sex is a sticky (shut up) subject in general and there's always that uncertainty.
I think it's more that kink is a sticky subject. People seem a lot more willing to participate in general discussions of sex. But when it comes to actual specific taste and style, people are bound (no pun intended) to be more private about it. After all, certain amount of sexual activity are pretty much assumed about most people of a certain age anyway.
And I don't think it's because of presumed reactions - we're an open-minded and mostly liberal group, so I doubt someone would respond with 'OMGTHAT'SIMMORALYOU'REGOINGTOHELL!!!!1' and even someone who isn't into a particular kink is unlikely to criticise someone who is. (on FHDC, anyway)
For me, it's that I don't get a choice in who responds. I don't want to know about everyone's sexual habits.
And if I do want to know the sexual habits of a friend and I'm really, really comfortable with that person, I'll just ask (if it comes up in conversation, that is.)
I don't want to know about everyone's sexual habits
precisely. If I know someone well enough to know their kinks (or lack thereof), then I'm probably going to be comfy talking about bdsm and all matter of other sexuality topics with them. But with people I don't know personally, or am only vaguely socially acquainted with, I'm very much of the opinion that it's none of my business so I'm certainly not asking. And if they feel like disclosing what makes them tick in a large public forum, good for them ... but that doesn't mean I'm going to do the same. :)
Well . . to clarify. I didn't suggest the poll asking for the details of people's sex lives. (Though they don't offend me) I wanted to see what people thought of BDSM, if they had political problems with it, or no problems with it. Or questions, concerns. Not necessarily if they specifically liked to practice it, but maybe what they thought of its implications, the reasons behind it, where it came from, etc etc. It was kind of meant to be an intellectual discussion about sexuality.
of course, i like the unexpected directions fhdc threads take anyway.
oh! hrm. so the question is more what psychological/social take do we have on it, if any.
i guess i've always thought of it mostly in the psychological sense, as people acting out dramas and fantasies with others who can relate enough to their fantasy to be willing to play a corresponding part in it. and I'm afraid I'm pretty traditionally psychoanalytical in terms of where I think those fantasies come from, but that doesn't mean I think people who enjoy bdsm necessarily have childhood issues that need resolution. It just means they're openly integrating power issues into their sexual practices with consenting others.
In extremely violent/dominating practice I worry about the ability of the submissive to "consent" uncoerced, or whether it is in reality abuse by an "alternate-lifestyle" name. But I think roleplaying and light bondage are probably harmless to adults who are comfortable partaking in them, and certainly to society. It's fantasy; it's play. And yeah, it's pushing up against and sometimes through boundaries, but I can see how that could be a liberating thing too, if all partners trust one another to respect safe words or signals.
vive la différence. :)
Starfox · 15 years, 9 months ago
Actually in proper BDSM, it's the submissive who holds all the power because they control when it stops.
*nods* true that.
i guess that's where i have trouble "getting" hardcore bdsm, because the concept of anyone in a completely submissive role having "power" kinda fries my vanilla brain. :P
Mistress Trace asked me to and I didn't want to disappoint the sweet lass.
because i'm open-minded like that, and try to be a thoughtful host for my kinky friends. :D
(also? because it's comfy.)
Really, when one is in a submissive role, it's all about them.
Granted, I have a very difficult time understanding the really hardcore stuff as well.
Annika · 15 years, 9 months ago
I think it's a lot of fun to a point. There are some things I'm not into at all, but a lot of it I enjoy. (surprise! I'm not a domme)
Personally I don't really *get* BDSM. I can sort of see the appeal of light bondage, and I think power exchange could be fun on occasion, but I don't really grock pain, heavy bondage, humiliation, rape fantasy, and so forth.
Interestingly, I know several people who are very much into that lifestyle, but they can't seem to explain it to me in a way that makes sense on anything other than the most intellectual level. I guess it just isn't my thing.
Of course I'm about as open minded as they get, so I'll talk about virtually anything. ;)
I'm pretty much the same.
Light bondange and power play is fun within limits, but the idea of someone, for example, being a "pet"... kind of creeps me out.
And I'm pretty open minded.
It just screams of unresolved psychological trauma.
George E. Nowik · 15 years, 9 months ago
i think the most disturbing image is the fact that like 95% of the icons for all the postings here are all cats. that image with this subject is just creepy for some reason. (:
-= george =-
heheheheeh!! it's like we're a bunch of cats discussing sex!!!
well what else would cats discuss?
"no, that's MY windowsill."
"tell me, does this perch seem fresh to you?"
"which is worse -- rocking chairs or busybody dogs?"
"dude, last night over in the drainage ditch was awesome. nice open-minded crowd, a really relaxed vibe, we passed around a dime bag of killer catnip and then the inhibitions were GONE, I tell you. Even when Moggy brought out the jewelled collar and leash, it didn't bother me."
Get married to whoever you want to, just remember that you are my ho.
Heartbreak sucks · 15 years, 9 months ago
I voted "It's an awesome sexual subculture", but I should say it's not for me, and I haven't um, experimented or experienced said subculture. ;)
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