Need a little help...
I need to ask you guys a small favor: My mother thinks I am being to secretive, am on the computer way too much, and is convinced everyone I talk to online is a sexual predator, because she saw it on Oprah. I admit that some of it isn't totally untrue, because even I think I'm on the computer too much. But a lot of it is school related. Anyway, back to the topic. Can you convince her that you aren't horrible people who will come and kidnap me? Anything at all to help would be great...since she's also convinced I only switched from AOL to gmail so I could keep my email secret.
We could try, but there's very little that will convince a mother that everyone online isn't a horrible kidnapper. My own mother is still convinced at least half of my internet-only or internet-primarily people are axe-murderers.
The best you could do would probably be to try explain to her that you're not going to run off and make a bad choice, that if you ever were going to meet up with somebody you first met online, you'd be safe about it - for example (as much as it might be annoying) let her know (and follow thru if you ever set up a meet with somebody) that she'd be going along with you to meet them for herself.
*shrugs* Just my two cents, YMMV
> We could try, but there's very little that will convince a mother that
> everyone online isn't a horrible kidnapper.
that's what i've discovered, anyway. so far. usually i'm a fairly good hand at convincing. plus, i'm not anywhere near a bad kid. i'm an awesome student, a genuinely nice person, an intelligent person, and i never get into any trouble. so, usually that itself is enough to do a lot of convincing. *shrug* I'll go for some compromise. and it's not like i'm meeting anyone. i'm not that rash. and i totally think things through way to much to do anything sponanteously.
Good good. Given that you're a "good kid" (I was too. Often despite my best efforts otherwise) I think she'll come around and learn to trust your judgement. Just try to be patient with the situation in the meantime.
That's what I'm trying to do. Meanwhile, I'm also trying to keep up the good grade routine. I've got over 100% in three classes. which should be enough, no? ;)
Just kidding. actually, i'm trying to be calm and just ride this out, 'cause usually that's what works best, rather than trying to fight her.
see, the first time, i didn't see the L in lass. and was a little confused.
I don't think it really has much to with you, honestly.
You can be the best person in the world, and parents will still (rightly) be worried about your wellbeing.
Hell, I'm 28 and my mom still lectures me regularly, if she gets the chance. :)
Honestly, the best you can do is show that you appreciate their concern (and, really, their concern is valid, so you SHOULD appreciate it).... and show them that you're not doing anything questionable or dangerous.
The rest of the trust process is all them.
A girl named Becca · 15 years, 9 months ago
I think the fact that your mom still lectures you regularly could have quite a bit to do with you. ;)
my mother was the same way.
she's not an internet user. it was difficult for her to understand that I could possibly have friendships with people I don't see. she used to rant and rant about my "fake internet people, the axe murderers and rapists". she eventually got over it.
all in all, there really is nothing you can do about it. just keep being honest and show that you deserve her trust.
mm-hmm. i'm trying to just be normal-ish, until she figures out that i'm not doing anything horrible.
i really want to keep my internet privelidges, (eew that's spelled wrong) 'cause i like popping on here after school and before bed, to talk to you all, and to talk to my friends and stuff. that's also an underlying issue. 'cause i'm not like everybody else, i'm a unique and multi-talented individual, (not to brag) and so somehow, in this twisted world, i don't have a ton of friends, my two best probably being Sam, the short jewish boy, and Dan, the handsome, formidable boy. She wants me to have "girlfriends," which i would like also, but i don't have the best speaking skills. i honestly get tongue-tied when talking to anyone i'm not really comfortable with. so...yeah. this sorta turned into me saying "pity me, i'm a loser" so sorry about that waste of your time. but anyway, just had to outline the whole situation.
I hear far too many stories about parents wanting their exceptional children to be "normal". I have news for you moms and dads: It aint gonna happen. If you were going to make friends with "the other girls" in your school, you'd have done so. It isn't your fault, you probably just don't have much in common with them. That is why you find yourself in a place like this, seeking out other who are more like you. It is really the most natural thing in the world if you think about it.
You should talk to Stacey (moxy_angel) She's had a lot of these kinds of discussions with her mom. Her mom even went so far as to worry that certain members of our community were trying to "turn her gay". I trust the naivetee of that is not lost on you. ;)
yeah. i mean, that's not to say I have no friends whatsoever. i'm pretty much well liked, but i sort of fade into the backround most of the time. and i don't mind all that much.
here's my point: i know exactly who i am, and i'm ok with it. so i don't see what the big deal is.
"you probably just don't have much in common with them. That is why you find yourself in a place like this, seeking out other who are more like you. It is really the most natural thing in the world if you think about it."
exactly! that's the whole point. i have a few friends who are similar to me, plus one kid that is quite similar to me, but dislikes me, ( :P ) so I like this place a lot. i can have decent conversations with people i have things in common with, in an environment where it's easier for me to me myself when i speak. well, write. but i'm most like myself when i write, because what i write is what i'm actually thinking. and when i'm thinking a mile a minute, it's hard to translate that into words.
so, thanks. plus, i'll talk to this Stacey you speak of. she sounds like she might possibly be able to help out a bit.
i was lucky that my mom accepted that i was "different." she even had this poem posted on her fridge:
sure i had a few in my dorm, and maybe 3 close ones in high school, but the majority of my friends were guys, which is fun and all but they certainly aren't fun to talk about Johnny Depp with o.O
derek harrison · 15 years, 9 months ago
add me to that list. see plenty of guys would love to talk about how sexy johnny depp is!
"...i just didnt' seem to get along with them."
exactly. that's like me. and, i mean, i get along fine with a few people, but mostly my friends are guys. there are two girls in particular i would like to be friends with, and i was starting to get to know them, but that sorta got screwed up by someone else.
"that should tell you something right there - if she wants you to have female friends, this is a good place to look ;)"
again..exactly. i've talked to quite a few really cool people here, guys and girls, and i feel more...normal. ha.
"which is fun and all but they certainly aren't fun to talk about Johnny Depp with o.O"
true. although they're fun to play video games with. this kid, brian zhu, was in my group for a history project, and the group ended up playing Super Smash Bros. Melee, and I beat him. ha.
but true, you can't be like "look at my cute new shoes!"
like, for example, i just got these really awesome jeans at the gap for 7 bucks. you just can't talk about stuff like that and get a good response.
Yes you can, Caroline. Some guys actually love to shop. Moreover, I doubt you really know an GAY men yet. Just wait till you meet some. Some of them are more into clothes than any woman ever. :)
OK, shoulda been more specific. No guys I know would. Although I have my friend Claire in music class, (the one who's dying to find out what my music class drawing is) and she's very fun. We both shop at gap. in a fun way. we discuss.
ahaha, you're so like me ;)
true. although they're fun to play video games with. this kid, brian zhu, was in my group for a history project, and the group ended up playing Super Smash Bros. Melee, and I beat him.
I'm a video gamer myself, one of the things my boyfriend loves about me. we can lay in bed and play Conker's Bad Fur day for hours. We beat Ocarina of Time together. he bought me a gamecube for christmas 2 years ago for the specific reason of playing Windwaker with me. i looooooooove the zelda series. and, he asked me, "what other game do you want?" and i said "SSB Melee!" (except, i suck at melee o.O so you'd probably beat me too. i'm decent at the original SSB for n64 tho.)
omg, we should so hang out ^_^
I think that is something EVERONE loves about you, Sheryl. ;)
BTW, you guys have been together for more than 2 years now??? Where does the time go?
And when are you getting married? ;)
well, it'll be two years in july, but i cant say LAST christmas because that would mean this past christmas, and i hate saying "two christmases ago." :P
as far as getting married goes, we'll work on getting out of toledo first, then getting out of debt ;)
actually, there's a funny story semi-related to this...
this kid i liked, stefan, moved a house away from me two years ago, from california. so he's the boy next door. erm...the boy a house down the block. anyway, his younger brother and my bros are friendly, and his brother got my bros ssb melee for their b-day, enabling stefan's bro (ryan) to come of over and play it, cause he doesn't have gamecube. smart kid. and so, when ryan's over, stefan eventually has to come and pick him up, especially if we carpool to soccer, and ryan stays at our house during the soccer game. then stefan comes inside, and we all play. i beat all of them last time, actually, even stefan, despite the fact i hadn't played in so long i had forgotten the controls... anyway, yeah.
everyone says the original is better, by the way, not melee. true? i've never played it, so i wouldn't know.
"omg, we should so hang out ^_^"
ooh... i'm in. :D
haha, nice. "so, i'm buying this for you. can i come over and play with it?" :D cute.
the original is easier, and if you're kirby, you can totally cheat :P because he's the only one who's counter-falling technique actually works (you just puff your way back up instead of having to figure out how to triple-jump).
i like kirby. he's my second best. i play link though...he's cool even though there's not as much opportunity to cheapshot, like kirby. his jump sucks though. but i don't use it often.
i like kirby, and i like link. i also like yoshi. while he kind of sucks, it's endlessly amusing to poop out your opponents in speckled eggs :P
"i also like yoshi. while he kind of sucks, it's endlessly amusing to poop out your opponents in speckled eggs :P"
well, if you're near the edge, you can poop them of the edge, and they just die. it's hilarious. cheap, but hilarious.
in the original, pikachu, while annoying, is actually a decent character, as his lightning attack actually does serious damage. he's just annoying in this one tho.
"pikachu, while annoying, is actually a decent character,"
really? cause in this one, he just sucks. seriously. he can't do anything.
and what's with...one of them. jigglypuff. yeah. it just goes to sleep. and doesn't do anything.
well, he sings and puts the OTHERS to sleep, but unfortunately, you dont recover from your singing fast enough to do anything to the sleeping others.
in the original, he's a hidden character. i dont like playing him, i just like putting my token on him repeatedly, to make the big manly voice say "JIGGLY-PUFF! JIGGLY-PUFF!" then if you start doint it real fast he goes "JIGGLY-JIGGLY-JIGGLY-JIGGLY-JIGGLY-PUFF!"
..and you can make a little techno song out of it. it rules :D
And everybody simultaneously realizes what a biiiiiiiiiiig geek sheryls is. :)
anyone who didnt realize that already probably hasnt been paying attention ;)
*joolee* · 15 years, 9 months ago
I used to scare my friend in college by taking bowls of jello and while shaking it singing the Jiggly-Puff song.
Well, you're scary anyway, that had nothing to do with it.
I'm a sucker for games like Harvest Moon. However, NHL 2005 for PS2 has been eating my brain as of late.
i want a fifa game...
i played one, i think it was 2003 or something. it rocked.
you're hitting on a point that my mother just didn't understand.
when I was your age, it was hard to have an intelligent conversation with someone my own age. my concerns, interests, and priorities were foreign to them and theirs to me.
my parents (up until I was... 17? 18?) thought that an adult that would want to talk to or spend time with me of their own accord was deeply troubled.
What... he's not? ;)
Just kidding Gordon. You know I love you.
My mom harangued me until I moved out (at age 15... well, more like "was kicked out") to be her definition of normal/submissive.
She wanted me to be thin, shave my legs, be in USY, be straight, have friends my own age, not randomly sing in public, not be so outspoken, not have any sex drive at all. She convinced a psychiatrist to medicate me for being a teenager: I was defiant and moody. Anyone who liked me was automatically on her suspicions list. I read too much, I spent too much time alone, and I was an embarrassment to her.
She still is that way to a degree. If it appears that I like the way I look, she'll find a way to shoot it down. If it appears that I have a situation under control, she'll find a way to undermine it.
I live far, far away now. Our relationship has never been better.
Her mom even went so far as to worry that certain members of our community were trying to "turn her gay".
Well... it worked, didn't it? ;)
OMG ThaT B!@&$ GelLa tURnD stACY GHEY OMGWTFLMAOBBQ!!!11one!1
hee, this whole thread is worth reading just to see gella type in 12 yr old 1337 ^_^ *loff*
> Dan, the two short jewish boys.
OMG EDIT THAT POST NOW.
what a racist comment. I am not short, and I am not that jewish!
your height and religion have nothing to do with your race. and i was explaining. i needed adjectives that apply to both you and sam.
me and sam have nothing in common. Besides our emotional, spititual, and physical identities.
dude...i'm bigger than you. and inescationist?
Inescation \In`es*ca"tion\, n. [L. inescatio.]
The act of baiting; allurement. [Obs.] --Hallywell.
woah. that was borderline rude. i might just change my post back... ;)
I meant little in a flirtiful way. Inescation means to bait or allure, so I added ist to it. caus it's just what you're doing to me.
And now i have to quote from the illiad.
"Damn you, Paris, you handsome woman hunter, you seducer!"
they might have to change it to
"Love you, Caroline, you beautiful Dan hunter, you seducer!"
whew, that was very random, but you know me, random would be my middle name if it wasn't Ross and my parents went crazy when I was born.
Except we WOULD kidnap you, and take you half way across the country to see some obscure folk band. Look out! We're dangerous!
actually, the fact that this is an obscure site, for an obscure band, might be a selling point for your mom. It's not like this is an AOL chat room, where anyone is likely to wander in. It's a fairly good bet that everyone around here is who they say they are.
but...everyone here *is* a sexual predator!
honestly, i had the same problem with my mom--and i was bloody 21 at the time. she came around--i introduced her to my fruhead friends, showed her pictures and told her stories, and now she's pretty much accepted them. and she loves neal. which. is good. with all that moving across the country to be with him that i did.
Rich D · 15 years, 9 months ago
Maybe you could deflect your mom's concerns by pointing out that Oprah is a a twinkie predator and that no snack foods are safe when she's around... ;)
ha! lol.. :D
thanks for lightening the mood. actually, that's not a bad idea. ;)
thanks for promoting the stereotype that people who are larger than pencils have no self-control.
100% dainty! · 15 years, 9 months ago
Pencils actually have no self control either. They just write all over anything. And then they lead very dull lives.
I've already discussed with Lori inviting you and your folks next time I come down to philly for a show. I think that would be the best thing, if they could meet some of us in person.
Bring your mom to frucon, worked with my dad. He didn't actualy think you guys were dangerous but he wasn't 100% sure so he didn't want me going alone. Now he knows your dangerous.:P
Mamalissa! · 15 years, 9 months ago
I agree wholeheartedly that meeting people is the best way to get your parents comfortable with this crowd.
you have? dang, my memory is a sieve.
it's a good idea though. i was thinking along the same lines ... i have a 16-year-old son, so your mom and i may have a few things in common re: concerns for our kids' safety and the influences they can come under, knowing we can't be control freaks, but still being aware of the risks out there.
i implicitly trust my fhdc friends with my son, though. he's not a fruhead, but he's met a lot of these people in person over the years, since he was about 9 or so. (good god, it has been that long). and the nice thing? he has never felt ignored or stereotyped as "just a kid" by them.
very good idea. i mean, they don't actually know you, which is the main problem. so that would work out quite nicely, i would think.
"I've already discussed with Lori inviting you and your folks next time I come down to philly for a show."
aww...people think of me. that's very cool of you. :)
Ligeia Lester · 15 years, 9 months ago
I don't think there's anything wrong or scary or dangerous about fruheads. well, besides the fact that we're stranger than heck.
BUT. I DO NOT recommend dating someone from a web-based dating site. oh no!!
uh... not that I would know... from experience or annything....
Like everything else it works well for some people. One example that many people here might know is Sean Altman. He met his wife on J-Date. That's a dating site for Jewish Singles.
My science teacher met his wife on the internet. Of course, he also buys colored pencils on eBay. So he's an internet kind of guy.
hey, you can get great wholesale prices. my dad bought an accordian from a wholesaler on ebay.
Well, I wouldn't say I've met anyone DIRECTLY through here.... but... I've dated 2 people I met through fruvous-related things.
I guess this all comes down to the whole "people of like minds congregating here" thing.
Annika · 15 years, 9 months ago
*shrug* I dated someone from here.
FHDC is where you go to meet geeks and folkies (who are geeks).
It's because I dated two people from here that I became as much of a folkie as I am now.
huh... see, it's had no effect on THAT for me.
I'm still not a folk fan.
That also strongly relates to the fact that you had a clue about music aside from anyone you dated. I discovered at least 15-20 new groups/acts that I never knew about. And now I do know, and I like them, and it's actually made me more adventuresome about getting CDs out of the library just to try them and see if I might like them. I now know how cool DuranDuran is. And many others I won't list here. And I owe it all to FHDC. *chokesup*
You did? Who? I didn't know that. I thought you just kind of appeared out of nowhere. :)
Really? That's kind of funny. John brought me in, and then I had a brief thing with Pauley. I'm still looking for Ringo and George.
Well, we've got a George. But he's very very far away and you may have to fight for him with many other chicks. :)
Ringo, we ain't got. But I think we have a British Richard.
This is true...it's weird how you don't think of people's last names anymore when they stop using them in their SNs :)
Indeed. That didn't occur to me until Talcott said it.
This brings up a question: Ringo's last name is a shortening of "Starkey", what is the origin of your Starr?
Someone else has got to know better than I -- was "Ringo" actually his given name, or is that a nickname of some kind?
His name is actually Richard Starkey. Ringo Starr is his nom de musique.
As Gella and AJ said, it was Richard Starkey. Hence my saying we had a British Richard. :)
Well actually his real name was Pete Best but as he was replacing a drummer by that name he changed it to Richard Starkey.
I mean can we really have a discussion on FHDC about a drummer with the Beatles without mentioning Pete Best?
I get scared when I see video of him. He's scary looking to me.
Why does it look like his head has been pasted on? Especially in the first pic?
So far as I know, it goes back to at least fifteenth century England (that branch of the family came over a few years after the mayflower)
I have no idea what it was before that
It has been a good dating site for a lot of people, but I haven't been able to get a date to save my life. I can't figure out if the problem is my age, my wife, or my kids. Some people can be so narrow-minded. ;)
I suppose that could be a factor, although I personally think LDRs can work ok. They're much easier with the internet and all. :)
Samantha · 15 years, 9 months ago
I'm really not that bad.. I mean, I don't abuse little children or molest kittens or anything... I write dirty fiction, but that's about it. I don't bite, unless you ask nicely.. I'm a B average student, only because math and science are the bane of my existance, however imperative to my bachelors,apparently.
I mostly lurk around here, but the Fru-crowd seems alright to me. They don't scare me as much as the outside world does :)
Real-Accordion! · 15 years, 9 months ago
Theres something about my parents that I've never quite gotten. They encourage me to do things that'll cause me to meet weird people. My father is completely convinced that I should hang out at the center of the arts, because apparently thats where artsy type people hang out. One time I rode the bus around the city for three hours, and he wanted to know if I met any strange people. They sent me on a train to Ontario for two days, and I get the feeling that they would have been dissappointed if I hadn't of talked to anyone. (It was hard not to. In the dining car, they sat you at a table with a stranger. You can't just sit there and eat and not talk.)
But they freak out about internet people. I mean, you'd think it'd be safer to talk to someone who doesn't have direct contact with you, rather than complete stranger on a bus. Besides, people are considerably more open online. The goal is me talking to different kinds of people, not making friends. I don't know, doing that online seems safer than offline.
I think maybe my parents are just crazy.
... actually. Now that I think of it. My father telling me to hang out at the center of the arts sprouted from a conversation about how much I hated their website, and wanted to fix it. Told me to use that as an excuse to hang out there.
"They're usually all freaks. But you'll probally fit right in. Some of them have some pretty strange ideas though... not that normal people don't. Really strange ideas. Not that thats a bad thing. Yeah, you should do that."
"They're usually all freaks. But you'll probally fit right in."
Maybe you should look deeper into what your parents think of you.
My dad tells me stuff like that all the time.
Then again, the same could be said about him ;-)
I remember back when I first started going online, back in my local BBS days, my dad was as active as I was (mostly in Legend Of the Red Dragon ;-)
I can't ever remember being discouraged from being odd.
Hell, my brother rebelled by becoming good at business stuff and making good money ;-)
Real-Accordion! · 15 years, 9 months ago
"Maybe you should look deeper into what your parents think of you."
I'm aware of what my parents think of me. But I think they're pretty happy about it. Save the part about me spending entirely too much time alone. But no one in my family is really... not weird.
My mom took me to my third and fourth frushows in DC. She'd been a little weirded out by what I'd told her about my impressions of the crowd and how interested I was in getting into the whole scene (this was when FHDC was just starting up and I didn't yet know about it... I found out at the show). When we got there and she saw all these geeks sitting on the floor waiting for the lads and talking she said "Oh. They're all just like you." She henceforth never had a problem with me hanging out with any FruHead I met online or otherwise.
Of course, she was going through a lot at the time... she may just not have been thinking clearly. ;)
elfy, teacher of many · 15 years, 9 months ago
that sounds so cute. "they're all just like you" like you've found Your People! hee hee hee.
Phoenix · 15 years, 9 months ago
Just hang around a bit longer here and sooner or later you'll be just the sort of person your parents have been warning you of ;-p
im too scared of dead people to become an axe murderer. and i'm already a geek. what else is there? sexual predator? no thanks... :P
could you maybe not post gigantic pictures? some of us (not me, but some of us) are on dialup.
yeah..im not either, but it is hard to see....and it screws everything up. :(
Thanks to coming to the defence of a helpless little predetor-de-sex who needs a warm, cozy home and a nice family.
renita · 15 years, 9 months ago
too true, nate.
we have enough sexual predators as it is ;)
who needs anymore?
It's just because of the modern steriotypes against sexual predators, you don't think it's normal.
When have you ever heard of a good-hearted sexual predator? exactly. you havent. because they aren't as popularized as the media as mean ones.
Ever seen this diologue? i sure have:
paul: that guy's nice
sam: hes not a s p
omg yes. geeks rock. geeks are the new popular kids. :D
you all are my geek people. rock on, my geeks.
You should not own people as objects, it sets a bad example for the children. If you do, do it quietly ;)
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