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Poll: How do you fare in social situations?

I'm fine. Doesn't phase me. 21 (21%)
I'm okay .. better if I have people I know there. 40 (40%)
The support of friends helps me make it through. 8 (8%)
I tend to just try and blend into the woodwork. 11 (11%)
I freak out... and want to be anywhere else. 11 (11%)
Screw you for asking!!! 4 (4%)
Other? 6 (6%)
   Discussion: How do you fare in social situations?
Eri · 17 years, 5 months ago

I'm not particularly good in social situations, except around a VERY select group of people. :(

First first post.

Samantha · 17 years, 5 months ago

i dont particularly like social situations.. i tend to avoid them if at all possible.. i nearly died at the thought of being forced to attend last fridays pep ralley at school.. i wanted to die..

i have a few friends i like to hang with.. but otherwise, i hate anything that involves me interacting with people.. -sam

Annika Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
yeh yeh, me too.  When I moved to Alaska, I was invited, the night I arrived to join the Young family for x-mas eve dinner.  I, being very shy, and usually far to polite (to strangers) said yes, and when I got there, there were like 20 people, and kids too. I was all like *shock*. Then the introductions came, and I seriously had to focus on not tearing up.  After the introductions Debbie asked me to have a smoke with her. So i did and she asked me if I was alright, because I was looking like I was going to pass out.  I hate large groups of people I don't know anything about.  Yikes. 
Gordondon son of Ethelred · 17 years, 5 months ago
I do alright but I am always worried I won't. I've gotten a lot better over the years by the simple expedient of not letting my fears get the best of me. Then it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. I still zone out sometimes like at Frucon IV. At the con itself I was miserable. The next day at the breakfast I set out to make new friends and succeeded, including the esteemable Rachel who might actually read this.
Eri Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
But at the pub the night before the con, you kissed my hand! *swoons*
Gordondon son of Ethelred Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
I think that was Frucon V. The hand kissing was partially my reaction to my behavior at Frucon IV. I decided to be less inhibited.
Eri Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
I've only been to one Frucon, darlin'. :)
Gordondon son of Ethelred Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
then I got the numbers wrong. Not too shocking. It was my second frucon. I must have been to three and four not four and five.
Eri Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
That's okay. I still    you, James.  
George E. Nowik · 17 years, 5 months ago

don't like 'em but know how to work them if absolutely necessary.

 -= george =-

nate... · 17 years, 5 months ago
If I have people there that I know, I'm fine..... otherwise I try to blend into the woodwork.

I'm uber-shy.
Andrea Krause Back · 17 years, 5 months ago

I STILL have trouble reconciling the Nate I've experienced with the shyness you talk about. I think it's because the times you haven't seemed all social I, in my insecurity, took to be me not being enough in the cool crowd to see the socialness. :)

Weird, how perception can change things.

Gordondon son of Ethelred Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
I'm deathly shy something that a lot of people have trouble believing. My apparent gregariousness is my coping mechinism.
stealthlori Back · 17 years, 5 months ago

And how!

I know I *can* handle meeting-new-people situations just fine, and I probably seem like an avid social butterfly because I tend to be one of the people who winds up organizing "events".  But anticipating them makes me a nervous wreck.  I do much better mentally if there are a few people around I already know and get along with.

nate... Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
Well, usually when you've seen me, I'm around people I know, so I'm fine.
Beth · 17 years, 5 months ago

Well, I was at a wedding this Saturday, and I barely talked to anyone, except the bride, her mother, my cousin, and my boyfriend. Mostly, I just tried to blend in, but in situations where I have to actually do anything, I get really nervous and sick. I'm really bad about ceremonies. I didn't go to my college graduation this year, just because I was too afraid of doing something dumb in front of everybody. That's not the same as a normal social setting, but you know...

no one · 17 years, 5 months ago
Social situations don't phase me at all. At least, periodically changing something in me isn't something they are apt to do. They can, however, faze me; that can be most disconcerting.

To alleviate the discomfort I do one of the following:

Comiserate with another hermit. This sometimes leads to a whole bunch of outcasts aggregating and having a ripping good time.

Voicing slightly outrageous opinions. One, or several kindred spirits will amplify them and this usually attracts any number of others with truly off the planet type views. A lively discussion ensues, unless one of them turns out to be a psycho. Occasionally some discussion leads me to the conclusion that it was I who was truly off the planet. Good! A new insight.

I become indistinguishable from the enveloping wallpaper and observe the fauna. Not recommended because it encourages the cynical streak and the feeling of alienation. That, in turn, engenders depression: the fauna appears bereft and I can think of no feature that makes me different to it.

Alternatively, none of the abovementioned things happen. Instead, things happen to me. Like:

Panic. Must go home now, forgot to feed my cat.

Contact. See Fauna
Andrea Krause · 17 years, 5 months ago

Several of these answers fit me, depending on the situation. I get through social situations with the help of good friends. Even among friends, though, I sometimes try to blend into the woodwork. When I don't have friends around I absolutely freak out and want to run away...

I find I'm most comfortable in a social situation where I am free to sit on the sidelines and observe a conversation and interject when I have something useful/funny to say. I really fall apart when I'm expected to be a focus or a person to hold up a big part of the conversation. I can't take that kind of pressure. I totally wig out when I'm entertaining guests and feel like I should be responsible for making every second of their time worth it. I'm best when nothing really is expected of me, but people pay attention to me when I actually speak. It's weird.

sheryls · 17 years, 5 months ago

My mother had a social anxiety disorder, and i inherited it to a point.  alot of people may think that i'm a social butterfly, fluttering from group to group with ease, being entertaining and all that.

but the truth is, i can only do that in a situation where i know most of the people in the social situation are like me - i can't help but feel totally insecure in a group of drunken frat boys, or at any college bar, or anyplace where i don't know a soul.  I just kind of feel like they're *looking* at me. and going. "ergh."

..does that make sense?

nate... Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
Yep, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about.

If I throw a party... and invite a lot of people I know, I am total social butterfly.. making sure everyone's having a good time.. jumping from group to group, etc.

But when I don't know anyone, I just freak and retreat into myself.
zil · 17 years, 5 months ago
...I have social anxiety dissorder. thing is when i am with people I know and trust I'm a wild woman. and before recent stuffs (the last 2-3 years) I was more out going... and people who knew me then don't know me now. my personality is VERY different.

people who met me at frff know the inverted yet very emotional me... and I have more than once regretted not being able to be more comfortable with you all. I just love you guys so much and I was so worried about being a dissapointment that I wasn't able to be much at all. *wilt*
Andrea Krause Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
You were still SO far from being a disappointment. It made my weekend that you let me hug you.
zil Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
yeah it was hard to make myself let me hug you guys. not because you stank, but (nate dude YOU stank ;-) because I was still in servival no touchie mode from months back. and I crumbled into a pile of zil when I did, but damn it felt good. thoes were some of the best huggings I've ever gotten. word.

dudes my face was in andrea's chest, SCORE! I mean... ;-)
Andrea Krause Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
My boobies are your boobies, dear.
zil Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
and my boobies are your boobies. we are one entity the andrezil, 4 boobies, mucho drugs, a fun time.
John J. Ryan Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
I'm happy that you were able to experience FRFF for yourself and to see what a happy place it was and the happy, friendly people who inhabit it.
zil Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
and next year hell or high water I'm gonna camp and have more fun and hugs and stuff. dude.
John J. Ryan Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
Yea Zil hugs!
zil Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
word to your mother.
A girl named Becca Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
No way! It was great to meet you! :)

And I'm sure I'm not the only one who's looking forward to seeing more of you next year.
Doktor Pepski, kommie · 17 years, 5 months ago
not really my bag. I can usualy alienate myself in less than five minutes from most people. I don't know why it happens, but That is the way it seems most of the time. I guess I just try for the wrong circles. There are a lot of shallow people in upstate New York.
emilie is CRANKY · 17 years, 5 months ago
well, so i started off in primary school very shy and geeky and the class loner, and then at secondary school i decided to let rip and be a complete extrovert, which worked for a while until i got to college where trying so hard to fit in a) freaked everyone out and b) became exhausting and made me ill. heh. so now i have problems with social situations and i only feel comfortable around three people over here, and you guyses over there. i'm dreading frff... i'm afraid i'll scare everyone. i'm über-happy in group situations which tends to throw people off. eek.
zil Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
dude! we can form camp fear! for thoes who are scared shitless of people... our common issues binding us together in fearhood. yeah I went too far, but yo seriously I am the same way. we should join forces at frff.
sheryls Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
"camp fear" sounds like a tv reality show. yikes!
stealthlori Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
I think we already *are* Camp Fear.  Why heck, looking at who's posting on this it sounds like there are two Camp Fears -- upstairs  and downstairs. 
Yvonne Back · 17 years, 5 months ago
Once at a scary cast party packed into a little apartment I formed Fort Sober.  Much like Camp Fear except that the fear was of drunkenness, not socialness.  Except that a few of my friends were drinking in it kind of lessened the credibility of the fort.
Arbie · 17 years, 5 months ago

I think if you don't get nervous about social situations you are the rare exception. We have this contradiction in that we are innately social beings yet (maybe because it is so important to us) social situations scare us. My experience is that you do get better with practice and you do develop technique to as George said, "work the room". I have no problem in a room full of strangers, I won't be the life of the party, but I won't necessarily be a wallflower, depending on what is going on. The worst situation for me is when all or most of the people except me know each other, particularly if I come with the only other person in the room I know. It makes it hard to mingle without making that other person feel left out.

Mostly you have to try not to beat yourself up for any faux pas' that occur, to the point of never walking away from one. "damn that was stupid, can we please start over?" or "ok, how many feet can I put in my mouth at one time", can get you back on track without anyone thinking less of you, and maybe they will admire you bravery.

Erica: movin' to Ohio!! · 17 years, 5 months ago
..yeah. that sums it up.
Rachel Beck · 17 years, 5 months ago
on the weather, the mood, the moods of the other people there, how many of them there are, what we're all doing, etc. I love throwing and going to dinner parties, and I like going dancing, but I feel very awkward if I've made arrangements to meet friends at a bar or house party where I'm not a regular and they're late.

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